


When the lights go out, you've still got me

by thunderingskies



Series: I will love you through simple and the struggle [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Addict AU, Additional Tags on Individual Chapters, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Fighter AU, Hip hop au, Inktober for Writers, M/M, One Shot Collection for my AUs, War AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: A collection of one shots written for Inktober for Writers 2017. Mainly will be side stories to my various AUs.





	1. Day 1: Searching

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> This October, I'll be participating in [Inktober for Writers](http://josai.tumblr.com/post/165950419233/tottwriter-spymastery-as-i-mentioned-doing) doing one shots for my AUs! Each chapter I will post what AU it is set in and a rough idea of where it fits into the timeline. These one shots could be set before my main fics or after! I am open for requests so if you have one just send me an ask on tumblr. I will try to keep on top of it and post a new update every day. Thank you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For my Fighter AU.  
> A small glimpse into Iwaizumi's past.

Sometimes we search for things that we can’t find.

For Hajime, that search leads him to the same place, every time.

The same town. Same street. Same plot.

The same ten words that haunt his dreams.

_ In loving memory of Iwaizumi Takahiro. _

_ Beloved son and brother. _

Searching for forgiveness that he can never find.


	2. Day 1: Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU: Drug AU ([You bring out the worst in me](https://archiveofourown.org/series/684846))  
> Set a few years after the current updates.

It’s probably too cold to be at the beach, but somehow Hajime and Tooru find themselves there anyway.

After a two hour train ride, the cool fall air is crisp and welcome. Hajime takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, the fresh air filling up his lungs.

Being here always helps to calm his mind.

Tooru knows that. It’s probably why he suggested they come out here and make the trip, even though today is the only day off they have together all week - Tooru’s only day off altogether. Even though work has been a mess, they’ve both been stressed and he keeps on waking Tooru up every night with those nightmare that were supposed to have stopped by now. He’s been clean  _ years _ now, why are they suddenly back and more intense than ever-

“Hey,” Tooru’s voice halts his train of thought and snaps him back to reality, “take off your shoes.”

“Huh?” Hajime blinks, confused. He watches Tooru kick off his sneakers, pulling off his socks then stuffing them into his shoes, leaving them in the sand. 

“I said take off your shoes,” Tooru repeats, reaching over to grab onto Hajime’s arm and squeeze. “Just trust me and do it.” 

Slowly, Hajime steps out of his shoes, and Tooru pushes them next to his with his foot. The sand is cool and damp between Hajime’s toes. He wiggles them, burying his feet a little with each movement. 

“Come on,” Tooru says, sliding his hand down Hajime’s arm until their hands press against each other, fingers fitting together perfectly. Holding Tooru’s hand always feels so… grounding.

He feels safe with him. 

Due to the cold weather the beach is deserted, completely quiet as they make their way down the shore. The sound of the waves hitting the shore is soothing, almost hypnotic, and Hajime focuses on it; he lets it lull him in, comfort him. 

Tooru holds his hand tightly as they get closer to the water. Hajime thinks he’ll stop before they cross the shoreline (Tooru doesn’t much care for getting his feet wet), but he doesn’t - he just keeps going, stepping into the cool water smoothly. Hajime hesitates before he follows along, Tooru’s hand pulling him just the slightest bit, the first step shockingly cold.

It takes his breath away. He closes his eyes, squeezing Tooru’s hand as he adjusts to the temperature.

It’s quiet, but neither of them feels the need to fill the silence. 

All of his concerns feel faraway, here - the sand underneath him, the water cascading over his feet, the fresh air filling his lungs, the comfortable quiet, Tooru’s thumb brushing circles over the back of his hand are all he feels. 

He lets it all surround him, fill him up and wash everything else away.

After some time, Tooru breaks the silence. “Hey,” he says, nudging Hajime gently with his shoulder, “you know that I love you, right?”

Hajime closes his eyes and smiles. 

“Yeah,” he answers, nuzzling his face against Tooru’s shoulder, warm and safe and calm. “I do.”

And he means it. 


	3. Day 3: Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU: War AU ([War and Peace: Your love gives me strength](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11094288/chapters/24751599))  
> Set during the current updates.

Tooru’s  _ so _ close.

He’s so close that Hajime can feel his warm breaths against his face, tickling his neck. Hajime shifts, Tooru’s arm sliding further down his side, fingertips resting on his lower back, warm and light even through the heavy fabric of his jacket.

Hajime swallows, eyes sweeping across Tooru’s face as they look at each other. _ Really _ look.

He’s never really looked at him this closely before… 

Tooru’s eyes are dark and captivating, a shade of brown that reminds Hajime of a hot, rich cup of coffee. He has a tiny scar across the bridge of his nose and Hajime wants to ask him how he got it, find out more about him - everything and anything that Tooru will divulge - but when he tries to speak his words get lost somewhere in his throat, all mixed-up and jumbled as Tooru brushes their noses together softly.

The war feels far away when it’s just the two of them here, tangled up together, breathless from their laughter, warm and comfortable for the first time in weeks. They’re finally out of the cold, away from the long, hot days and the damp nights; finally tucked away and sheltered for the night and able to  _ not _ worry so much about what’s going on beyond them. It feels like ages since he’s been comfortable like this, and he knows it isn’t just because he’s in dry clothes.

Hajime moves his hands up to Tooru’s shoulders, tightening his hold, more relaxed in cuddling him in now than he was before. They’ve done this a few times, now; gotten close and cuddled. What started as a need for comfort when things got dark has turned into so much more. 

Hajime doesn’t really know what to call it, but that’s the beauty of this, isn’t it? He doesn’t have to name it. They don’t need anything other than this moment, other than each other. Neither of them expect anything when tomorrow isn’t even a guarantee.

But those thoughts are far away with a warm Tooru in his arms, the tension he usually carries completely gone from his face.

Instead, he looks a little...shy. 

Tooru tugs himself closer, leaning in slightly, and Hajime meets his hesitant gaze.

“Have you...” Tooru hesitates, glancing down briefly before meeting his eye again, “have you ever kissed a man?” His voice is quiet and nervous but he doesn’t look away.

Hajime swallows, the question catching him off guard.

He doesn’t respond right away, instead looking down, watching the spot where he’s rubbing careful circles on Tooru’s shoulder. The material of Tooru’s jacket is rough, and Hajime can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to be touching his skin directly.

“No…” Hajime shakes his head, shifting a little, nervously. “I haven’t.” He keeps his thumb moving in continuous circles, the touches calming. Grounding. “Have you?”

Tooru smiles shyly and nods his head, keeping his eyes on Hajime. “Yes… I have.”

He’d had his suspicious, sure, but hearing Tooru say it so plainly has Hajime’s stomach flipping with nervous energy. He looks down at Tooru’s lips and wonders what it would feel like to kiss him.

What does he taste like?

Tooru bites his lip and Hajime mimics the movement without even realizing. He keeps his thumb moving slowly, eyes flicking up and down, conflicted. So many feelings are churning around inside of him, but there’s one question that keeps repeating over, and over, and  _ over- _

“What… does it feel like?” He asks, his curiosity finally getting the best of him.

Tooru smiles, perking up at the question. “What does it feel like… to kiss a man?” He asks, sliding his hands up Hajime’s back, leaving goosebumps in his wake. Hajime shivers.

Hajime bites down harder on his lip, still entranced with Tooru’s mouth. He can’t tear his gaze away, and leans in a little bit closer unintentionally. “Yeah…”

Tooru nudges him carefully with his nose, fingers curling in the fabric of Hajime’s shirt. Their faces are inches from each other, now, breaths mingling up.

“You wanna find out?”

Hajime takes in a deep breath.

Does he want to find out?

Does he want to kiss Tooru?

Hajime’s heart’s in his throat but there’s only one thing he can say, one answer that he wants to give, it’s banging around in his head just begging to get out-

“Yes,” he whispers at last, almost desperate yet also almost afraid. He’s out of his depth here, his stomach in knots as his shoulders tense and his fingers twitch, not sure how to move forward from here but knowing that he wants to. He  _ really _ wants to. 

Tooru smiles, brushing their noses together again, his lips curling into a smile. “Relax, Hajme,” he says, hugging him tighter, “and let me show you.” 

Hajime takes in a slow breath, following Tooru’s example. His eyes flick from Tooru’s mouth back up to meet his gaze. His heart’s beating so fast he’s sure that Tooru must be able to feel it through his chest. 

“Close your eyes,” Tooru says, quietly, slowly. Hajime’s nervous, but he knows Tooru will take care of him.

So he closes his eyes, and trusts.

He feels Tooru’s breath fan across his face and he tightens his grip on Tooru’s shoulders as their lips brush together, slow at first. Softly.

Kissing Tooru isn’t like any other kiss Hajime’s had before.

Tooru tastes of cigarette smoke and of the remnants of the hearty, rich stew they’d eaten for dinner. He certainly isn’t chaste, and waiting for Hajime to lead, like the few girls Hajime kissed in his youth - Tooru kisses him with purpose, with confidence; it fills him with an indescribable warmth that radiates through him, right down to the tips of his toes.

The first kiss is soft and gentle, and Hajime breaks the kiss after a few moments, his head spinning. He opens his eyes to look at Tooru, who looks as breathless as he feels; it’s comforting, in a way, to know that Tooru is feeling just as much as he is. Hajime laughs softly, grinning at Tooru’s smile, before leaning in to claim his second kiss. 

This time, Hajime loses track of how long they’re pressed together. Tooru threads his fingers through Hajime’s messy hair; Hajime rests his hands on Tooru’s lower back, pushing up the hem of his jacket and shirt just enough to touch his fingertips to Tooru’s bare skin, revelling in how nice that feels. Tooru leads him, pressing everything into the kiss - so many feelings that Hajime can’t even begin to name.

They finally break apart and Hajime’s overwhelmed, almost bleary; but Tooru brings him back, nuzzling his face and letting out a small laugh. 

“So how did that feel?” He asks, offering Hajime an honest smile. 

Words are lost - the only answer Hajime can give him is to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Amalas, who is collabing with me on this AU, for all your help and support! <3


	4. Day 4: Compliment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU: Fighter AU ([You're now rockin' with the champion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140686/chapters/22539134))  
> Set a few months after the main fic.

Hajime’s favourite thing about the nights that Tooru agrees to stay over is getting to wake up next to a sleepy Tooru the next morning.

It doesn’t happen every day. Their schedules don’t always line up, so more often than not, Tooru has to go home. And there’s that whole they’re “taking it slow” thing that keeps Tooru from accepting Hajime’s offer to stay over every night.

He gets it, really. They moved too fast in one direction and now they have to back up, try to catch up in spots that they neglected before. Get to really know each other. Go on dates.

Tooru likes Thai food, and traditional Japanese best. He really hates waiting when he’s really hungry, but he never lets himself get annoyed at wait staff. Although he loves dancing, he’s really no good at it. It’s cute, though - he gets really into it, laughter turning his face a bright shade of pink as he leans against Hajime, completely malleable and ready to be led however Hajime sees fit. 

Ater a good date, after they stumble back to Hajime’s place with a warm buzz from a few beers and make out on the couch for an hour or so, Hajime wants nothing more than to invite Tooru back to bed and have him stay the night. Even if they don’t have sex, he doesn’t care - just getting to fall asleep with Tooru next to him is nice, and he knows that Tooru feels the same. 

So waking up next to Tooru is special. 

One of the few times that Tooru completely relaxes is when he’s asleep. 

All of the usual tension that he carries is completely gone; all that replaces it is a comfortable warmth and the desire to be as close to Hajime as possible.

Hajime rolls over after waking up, opening his eyes lazily, propping himself up on his elbows. A soft, lazy smile breaks out on his face when his eyes focus, and he gets to really look at Tooru.

He’s really adorable, completely cuddled up against Hajime, his arms tucked up against his chest, face nuzzled into his pillow. His hair’s a complete mess, brown hair sticking up in every direction, and the rise and fall of his chest is so steady.

He looks so calm, so relaxed.

So beautiful.

Hajime can’t help but smile, leaning in close and pressing a kiss to Tooru’s exposed shoulder. 

“Tooru,” he whispers, nuzzling his shoulder, “hey, beautiful.”

He relishes in the soft groan he gets in response as Tooru burrows himself further against his pillow. God, he’s so cute.

“You’re so cute,” Hajime chuckles, stretching out so that he can kiss his way across Tooru’s back, between his shoulder blades, to his other arm.

Tooru chuckles in response, wiggling under the ticklish touches. He lifts his head up enough to give Hajime a pout, trying to come closer and lure him back into a snuggle. “‘M not.”

Hajime laughs, “you really can’t try to tell me that while you’re looking like this.” He reaches forward, running his fingers through Tooru’s hair, watching his face relax under the comforting touch. That pout he was trying sure didn’t last long, especially not when Hajime presses a kiss to his lips; gentle enough to just start to rouse him from his sleep.   
“Thank you for being here,” Hajime whispers against Tooru’s lips, giving him another soft kiss. 

Tooru opens his eyes, lazily, offering him a warm smile. He reaches up, tracing his thumb along Hajime’s jawline and resting his fingers on his cheek. “Thanks for letting me be.”

Hajime smiles back at Tooru; he feels more, so much more, but the words dance on the tip of his tongue, not yet ready to be spoken.

 


	5. Day 5: Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU: Fighter AU ([You're now rockin' with the champion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140686/chapters/22539134))  
> Set a few months after the main fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is specially dedicated to my friend Ri on her birthday! I am so lucky to have you as my friend. Thank you so much for everything that you've done and continue to do for me; I'm so happy that we became friends! Love you! <3

Hajime doesn’t feel the last punch.

He doesn’t hear the screams from the crowds, the screams from his coach; he doesn’t see the bright lights overhead, or even his opponent standing over him.

Everything just flashes black, and his body hits the floor of the ring. 

_ Hard. _

His muscles scream with effort as he tries, desperately, to push himself up. He manages to roll onto his stomach, and his fingers twitch as he tries to push himself up. The coppery taste of blood fills his mouth and he spits it out, trying to get himself on his feet.

He can’t lose,  _ can’t, _ not now, not after how hard he’s worked-

But a sharp blow keeps him down, holding him in place. He tries to focus his vision, lift up his head, but everything’s tinted red with the copious amount blood dripping down his face.

He can’t wipe it off, though. His muscles protest every movement and he tries to spit out more blood, but he can barely breathe through it.

_ Fuck, fuck- _

He can practically hear the timer in his head, each second passing by in time with the heavy beat of his heart. Blood’s rushing to his head and he wants to struggle, he wants to fight, he wants to win, but he  _ can’t- _

Everything spins as he’s pulled up off the floor, helped along by his coach. He stumbles out of the ring, eyes burning from the blood. He can barely keep his feet moving, but somehow he manages to make it to the back room where the medic is waiting.

And Tooru.

Hajime can’t see him - he stops trying to look, it hurts his eyes too much - but he can hear his voice. Even among all the other voices, Tooru's sticks out clear as day.

Shaking his head, Hajime tries so hard to focus.

There's questions,  _ so many questions. _ He knows what they're doing - they want to assess his mental state, figure out if he's got a concussion - but he can hardly even process the questions, let alone form answers.

Everything  _ hurts. _

The medic is treating the gash on his head that just won't stop  _ bleeding _ . Hajime keeps his eyes closed, but he can feel the blood, warm and sticky, dripping from his forehead, staining the towel his coach draped over his shoulders in an attempt to wipe it up. He still tastes blood, and when prompted he spits more of it out. And maybe a tooth? He's really not sure anymore.

He gasps out in pain when he feels a sharp needle pierce just above his eyebrow. Fuck, stitches? He groans, letting the medic tilt his head back. He's biting his lip, the pain almost overwhelming, everything's starting to feel too heavy to bear-

“Hajime,” he hears, and of  _ course  _ it's Tooru, and he can hear the panic he's desperately trying to hide, “I know it hurts, but you need to focus, okay? Stay awake. Can you do that?”

_ For fucks sake Tooru _ is what Hajime wants to say, but he has to stop and spit out more blood instead so all he manages is a weak nod. 

He doesn't realize how tightly he's holding his hand in a fist until Tooru pries his fingers open, sliding his hand in his. Hajime squeezes it on instinct and uses the touch to ground him. His forehead feels hot, like he's being burned, so he knows he must have fucked it up badly. He grips Tooru's hand until he feels like he can breathe again. His chest heaves a bit and it's weak, but he can do it.

He's not gonna pass out.

Hajime bites his lip and holds on while the medic stitches him up, and disinfects the worst of his wounds. His face feels raw. He doesn't even want to see how he bad he looks. He manages to answer enough questions to satisfy the medic for now, who tells him he can leave after he cleans the rest of his injuries.

“It's fine,” Hajime grits out. It hurts to talk but he has to. He needs them to leave,  _ now,  _ he can't do this anymore, he's gonna break-

“No, Iwaizumi-san, just let me-”

“-It's okay, I'll make sure it gets done,” Tooru says, interrupting the medic. Hajime closes his eyes, letting out a sharp breath and trying to calm down his heartbeat by squeezing Tooru's hand. It's quiet for a moment but Hajime doesn't look to see what's happening before the medic finally agrees, leaving some supplies for Tooru to finish up.

Hajime breathes long and slow, listening to the sound of footsteps getting further and further away, until finally, it's quiet.

Tooru squeezes his hand, and he tries to focus on that. Not the burning on his forehead, not the painful and heavy breathing, and not the faint taste of blood that's still lingering in his mouth.

_ God, he's fucking pathetic. _

This makes him so, so angry.

He feels like screaming, but he can't. He's not that weak - won't let himself be. Not here. Not now.

Hajime has no idea how long they sit there. Tooru brushes circles on the back of his hand with his thumb, slowly and carefully. The pain slows down, to a more dull ache. Hajime wonders if the medic bothered to leave him anything for the pain, but there's only so much that he's even allowed to take that he probably didn't.

“Can you stand?” Tooru asks, breaking the silence at last. Hajime slowly opens his mouth, licking his lips before answering.

“Yes,” he says, slowly moving to push himself up. It hurts and he clenches his jaw, but he makes himself do it.

Tooru doesn't say anything else as they leave. It's quiet, so enough time must have passed since the fight, which Hajime is grateful for. He doesn't want to speak with anyone right now. He's never been so grateful for Tooru's car, the one he only drives half the time living in the city, because now it allows him privacy on the trip back home.

Hajime can finally breathe when he closes the door to his apartment. Tooru steps in in front of him, taking his hand again and leading him to the bathroom.

Hajime gets a good look at his reflection in the mirror when they walk in and instantly regrets not looking away.

He looks awful. The entire left side of his face is already starting to bruise, an ugly shade of purple. His stitches are red and raw looking, not to mention there's still dried blood on the side of his face.

He looks away before he has the chance to see anything else, turning around and leaning back against the counter as Tooru instructs.

He looks down, too ashamed to meet Tooru's eye.

His face isn't the only thing that's bruised.

He was supposed to win this fight.

“Hajime, look up so I can do this properly,” Tooru says, cupping Hajime's chin and coaxing his face up. He frowns when he meets Hajime's gaze - does he really look  _ that _ pathetic? - before he starts to carefully disinfect his wounds. Hajime looks up at the ceiling, too afraid to keep looking at Tooru, and terrified to see the evidence of his loss in the mirror again.

The antiseptic on his open cuts hurt, but he figures he's earned the pain. Deserves it. All he can think about are the dozens of mistakes he made in the ring. 

He doesn't deserve Tooru's gentle touches. He doesn't deserve to be treated like he's so… precious.

God, he should have done better. Should have  _ been  _ better. He's better than this. He's trained long and hard to get here, to win, not to get tossed down by some amateur in his own hometown.

Anger bubbles up inside of him, red hot and ugly. Tooru drops down the last of the bloody gauze in his trash can next to him and Hajime's eye is drawn in by the deep red colour of his own blood.

He curls his hand into a fist.

_ Pathetic, fucking pathetic... _

The worst part is how he has to unclench his fist because of the screaming pain radiating from his knuckles. 

Tooru reaches out to touch him, but hesitates halfway when he sees the expression on Hajime's face and pulls away. He takes a step back, leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

He knows Hajime needs his space when he's angry.

He's not going to break anything this time - can't, his hands already ache - but the space is still good.

He needs it to cool off.

Hajime lets his anger fill him up, drops his face in his hands and shakes.

Fuck. Fuck.  _ Fuck. _

He fucked up so badly. He could have won that fight. He can think of so many times he should have responded differently. Should have backed off, or surged forward - if he can't fight then what the fuck is he good for?

Angrily, Hajime slams his fist against the wall next to his door, his blood pumping loudly in his ears.

His fist aches even harder now.

_ Fuck. _

He closes his eyes and tries to breathe. In, out; counts backwards from ten. After some time, the red starts to fade. He finally looks down at his hand, knuckles red and bruised. He rubs his thumb over them, sighing to himself. His body's starting to feel heavier, the ache of pain and exhaustion hitting him suddenly like a ton of bricks.

Slowly, Hajime pushes himself off the counter. He reaches for the door handle, turning the knob slowly, glancing up at the mark he left on the wall.

No. He's better than this.

Can't let his anger control him.  _ Won't.  _

This isn't just about him anymore. He's not going to lose Tooru because he's sliding backwards.

Hajime leaves the bathroom, limping towards his bedroom. He starts to peel off his clothes, slowly, discarding his blood-stained clothes on the floor until he's just in his briefs. He'll deal with them later. They probably need to be tossed out anyway.

He's hoping Tooru is waiting for him there and that he didn't leave. Not that he'd blame him, but he feels a wave of relief wash over him when he sees Tooru sitting up against the headboard of his bed, his phone in his hands. He's already looking up when Hajime pushes the door open, expression concerned.

Hajime's throat feels tight when he sees him, his physical exhaustion amplified by how emotionally exhausted he feels. 

“Tooru,” he says, voice hoarse and heavy, “you're still here…”

Tooru offers him a small, weak smile. “Yeah.” He looks relieved, and holds a hand out to Hajime. “Come here.”

He's here - why is he still here? Why does he care so much? Hajime can't even fight, he can't even control his emotions, he's useless, so  _ worthless- _

Hajime bites his lip. “But I lost,” he says, dropping down on the edge of the bed, “I don't… I can't…” 

Tooru shakes his head, pushing himself up to settle down next to Hajime. He wraps an arm around him, trying to be as gentle as possible in tucking him in close. Hajime's first instinct is to pull away, to close himself off; but he fights it.

He trusts Tooru.

He wants to let him in. Tooru is warm, and gentle, and the scent of his body wash is so familiar now, Hajime can't help but press himself closer to Tooru, letting himself be cuddled.

“Tooru,” he whispers, voice low and shaky.

Tooru hugs him tighter, nuzzling the top of his head.

“I got you, Hajime,” he says, kissing his forehead. “It's okay.”

Hajime hiccups, but lets Tooru pull him back and tuck him in under the covers. Hajime winces a bit as he shifts, but manages to get comfortable with Tooru hugging him from behind. Tooru sits up long enough to pull the blankets over them, running his hand through Hajime's hair and kissing his forehead before snuggling back up to him.

Hajime closes his eyes when his vision gets fuzzy. Tooru keeps whispering to him, smoothing out his hair, kissing his shoulders.

Eventually he falls asleep, relaxed by the sound of Tooru's voice and his warm weight at his back. The constant touches and comfort remind him that he's not alone in this.

Not anymore.


	6. Day 6: Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merman AU

The water is cold beneath Hajime’s fingers.

He reaches off the side of his canoe, cutting his hand through the calm surface of the water. It parts easily, for him; he lifts up his hand, letting water drip out through his fingers and back down into the lake.

The night air is cool, a crisp wind blowing over the water’s edge. Hajime’s glad he brought his jacket - he pulls it closed more firmly, buttoning up the last few buttons just below his collar to keep the cold air out.

The chill still settles, though, deep into his bones, but that’s not going to get him to head back.

Not yet.

His stomach flips with excitement as he hears a splash in the water. 

Hajime turns (a little too quickly, almost rocking his boat), scanning the water’s surface. It’s dark, the only light shining down from the moon overhead, but it’s enough for him to see a tiny flick of colour break through the water.

He smiles.

Hajime knows he’s here.

Rather than speak, Hajime just reaches into the bag he’d thrown into his boat before rowing out there. He pulls out two things - a few pastries he’d picked up from the bakery in town and a book.

Carefully, he unwraps the pastries, setting them down on top of a cloth on the seat next to him. He contemplates taking a bite of one, but knows that he should wait and see which one Tooru wants first.

Instead, he picks up the book, and clears his throat.

“You can’t hear from that far away,” he says, opening the book and smoothing out the page they stopped at last time. He runs his finger across the pages until he finds the last line that looks familiar. 

There’s another splash, but this time Hajime doesn’t look up. He waits until he feels his boat shift, just a bit, and a familiar pair of scaled arms prop themselves up on the edge of his boat.

Hajime chances a look over.

Tooru’s deep green scales glint in the moonlight; water drips from his brown hair, and Hajime watches a drop slip down his forehead, sliding down one his eyelids and getting caught in his eyelashes. Tooru blinks it away, white eyes slowly filling back up with colour now that he’s out of the water, back to a warm brown, the same shade as Hajime’s morning coffee.

_ Coffee. _ He’ll have to bring him some to try sometime.

Tooru looks up at Hajime once he’s able to focus, lips parting in a smile. He reaches over to pick up one of the pastries, dripping water all over Hajime without a care in the world. He sniffs the pastry before taking a tiny bite, chewing thoughtfully. He must like it, because his second bite is much larger, and he flicks his tail happily.

“So,” Tooru says, swallowing his treat, “where were we, Hajime?”


	7. Day 7: Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No specific AU, just some random fluff lol

Tooru isn’t quite sure how it happens.

He and Hajime were walking home from class, as usual. They don’t have any classes together but they finish at the same time on Tuesdays so they catch the train together back to their flat. 

There’s usually some arguing about dinner, who’s turn it is to cook or who needs to pay for groceries. Sometimes, like today, they’re both exhausted and come to a mutual agreement that cooking is overrated and they need to grab some takeout. 

So they hopped off the train a few stops early to grab some food from Tooru’s favourite Chinese restaurant. It wasn’t his turn to pick, but Hajime agreed to go there anyway.

Somehow, between the shuffle of picking up their takeout bags and bickering about taking the bus home rather than walking ( _ We can walk _ , Hajime insists,  _ it’s only a few blocks _ ;  _ but my feet hurt! _ Tooru counters, tired from a long clinical day) they wind up holding hands. 

Tooru just looks down and..  _ Oh. _

Hajime’s holding his hand.

_ Huh. _

How did that happen?

Their fingers are pressed together tightly, securely; Hajime’s hand is warm in his, pulling him along just the slightest bit as they walk (Hajime was about to relent and get on the bus, but Tooru agreed to walk at the last second). Hajime’s fingers are calloused, but Tooru likes how that feels when Hajime brushes circles on the back of his hand.

Tooru blinks, confused. Did he reach over and take Hajime’s hand? 

Did Hajime take his?

How long have they been holding hands?

It just feels normal to be connected to Hajime like this, really, but when did this happen?

He must seem lost in thought because Hajime squeezes his hand tightly, reassuringly, bringing him back to reality, reminding him that he’s right here with him.

The how and why don’t matter quite so much when Hajime leans in close to kiss his cheek, nuzzling the side of his face.

“You down for just eating on the couch tonight? We can put on a movie and collapse,” Hajime suggests, brushing some hair off of Tooru’s forehead so that he can kiss him there.

Tooru nods, the corners of his lips tugging up into a smile. “Yeah. Come on, let’s go home.”


	8. Day 8: Impasse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some random fluff! Enjoy <3

“No.”

“But Hajime-”

“ _ No. _ ”

“Well,” Tooru huffs, “looks like we’re at an impasse then.” He crosses his arms, flopping out dramatically on Hajime’s couch.

The problem was clear.

Hajime had invited Tooru over for a movie night. Which was, in theory, a great idea - they don’t always get days off together, and it’d been a long week so neither one of them was up for much of anything, but they hadn’t decided what movies to watch.

So when Tooru showed up with his full set of  _ Star Trek: The Original Series _ dvds only to find that Hajime had already set out his  _ Godzilla  _ collection, well… there would only be one winner of this movie binging night.

And Hajime was determined to be that winner.

“Tooru,” Hajime sighs, sitting down on the couch next to Tooru and nudging him with an elbow. “Babe, come on.”

Tooru chooses to not answer, keeping his arms crossed and looking away from Hajime.

He’s determined.

That’s okay. Hajime’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

“Last time I checked, it was my turn to pick the movie. You picked last time, remember?” Hajime smirks, nuzzling the side of Tooru’s face. “We stayed up all night marathoning  _ Harry Potter _ .”

Tooru pouts, but still doesn’t answer. He seems to be very interested at that dent in the wall they accidentally made when bringing in their new couch last month.

“Tooru…” Hajime smiles a little, sliding closer to Tooru so that he can reach out, poking his side. He can see Tooru fighting to keep a straight face, so he pushes forward and slides his hand up Tooru’s shirt.

Tooru shivers, shifting a bit and wiggling under Hajime’s fingers, almost like he wants to shrug off the touches but Hajime knows that he enjoys them too much.

Perfect.

“Come on babe… I made your favourite snack just for today,” he starts, pushing his hands further up Tooru’s sides. “I even went to that market on the other side of town to get just the right fruit for it too.”

He knows that he’s wearing him down, but Tooru’s not quite ready to cave yet. Hajime’s smile widens and he leans in closer, brushing Tooru’s jaw with his nose and presses a kiss there, and then another right below his ear. “And I washed your favourite blanket so it’s clean and fresh from the dryer…”

Tooru whines a bit, closing his eyes and leaning back further into the couch. Hajime kisses down the nape of Tooru’s neck, starting to slowly move his hands down Tooru’s sides.

“And really… We both know how this is gonna work out…” Hajime looks up and Tooru finally looks over to see his wide grin, his hands starting to move. “Because we _ both  _ know that I know your weak point-”

Tooru snorts out loud when Hajime starts tickling him, trying to curl up into a ball to shake Hajime off of him. That doesn’t work, so he tries to wrestle Hajime’s hands off of him instead, but that just makes Hajime try even harder.

“Hajime!” Tooru laughs, open and loud and so, so warm. Hajime’s heart tightens at the sound and he hesitates, giving Tooru an opening to wrestle up his hands, locking their fingers together to try and stop the tickles.

“Are you ready to agree to Godzilla?” Hajime asks, pushing Tooru down on the couch and holding him down easily. He snorts when his cat perks up at the name, meowing and brushing up against the leg of the couch.

Tooru doesn’t answer, trying to wiggle his way out unsuccessfully. He lets out a loud laugh when Hajime starts tickling him again, nuzzling his neck and leaving a trail of kisses in his wake.

“Okay!” Tooru snorts, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, “Okay, you win! We’ll watch Godzilla!” Hajime attacks him with more kisses until Tooru adds, “and I promise I won’t fall asleep during Godzilla vs. King Kong this time! Okay?”

Pleased, Hajime sits back up, settling himself on Tooru’s lap with a happy smile. Tooru looks up at him, disheveled and a bit dazed, but with such warm affection that Hajime knows that there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

He’s about to tell Tooru that they can watch Star Trek - he doesn’t really care, anyway, he just wanted an excuse to tease Tooru - when Tooru reaches up to cradle his face, expression soft. His words get lost somewhere in his throat and he can only smile, taking Tooru’s hand in his and kissing his palm.

God, he’s lucky.

“Are we watching them chronologically or in order of your favourites?” Tooru asks, pulling Hajime in so that he can cuddle him properly. Hajime settles down on the couch next to Tooru, half on top of him; as soon as he’s settled his cat jumps on too and he feels tiny cat paws pressing on his legs as he moves to get more comfortable. 

“Chronologically,” Hajime answers, snuggling up and pulling his throw blanket over the two of them. “I’ve already got the first one queued up.”

“Perfect.” Tooru kisses the top of Hajime’s head, reaching for the remote control on the table in front of them to turn it on.

Hajime closes his eyes, taking a deep breath; he’s warm and comfortable, pressed up against Tooru, and he honestly can’t think of any place he’d rather be.


	9. Day 10: Honour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loosely FHQ/fantasy based.

Honour.

An adherence to what is right; fulfilling an obligation, or keeping a promise.

 _How can it be right when it feels so wrong?_  Hajime thinks, shedding his heavy armour coat. He trades out his usual armour for something light; good for travel. He packs up only his most precious essentials.

If honour means that he has to stand by and watch someone that he loves suffer, then he has no place for it.

"Sorry, Tooru," Hajime whispers. He knows that Tooru never wanted this for him.

He was supposed to be a good knight. Strong. Righteous. Honourable. Maybe even a king someday. They both know he could do it - he's a talented swordsman, not to mention a natural born leader.

He  _wasn't_  supposed to fall in love with a demon.

But, well...

Apparently, life had other plans.

And when Hajime sees the expression on Tooru's face (surprise, shock, relief, " _but why are you here, it's not safe-"_ ) when he shows up in the middle of the night, breathless and disheveled with a wild plan for them to escape this kingdom, he knows that he made the right choice.

Fuck honour. Hajime chooses love.


	10. Day 21: Fingertips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For my Drug AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Xeylah, who requested this on tumblr. Thank you ♥

Tooru loves Hajime’s hands.

One of his favourite things to do when they’re lying together during quiet mornings is to hold his hands, trace his fingers.

Press their fingertips together and feel.

Remember.

 

These are hands that Hajime used to use to cause himself pain.

Hands that pinched, injected.

Trembled.

Hands that bled, scabbed.

Scarred.

 

Now, they’re hands that build.

Hands that create.

Work until they’re rough with callouses and heavy with effort.

Hands that show how far he’s come.

How hard he’s worked.

 

These are hands that make Tooru feel safe.

Fingertips that brush their way down his back, slow and gentle, secure.

Tooru really loves Hajime’s hands.

He loves how Hajime uses them to touch, to hold, to feel.

To show how much he loves him.


	11. Day 15: Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 15: Intimacy  
> For my Drug AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains drugs, drug abuse and mentions of an overdose.

The first thing Hajime feels is the cold.

He’s shaking, but he feels so weak that he’s hardly able to do that much. 

Even just breathing feels like extraordinary effort; he forces air into his lungs, heaving with every breath that he struggles to take. His eyes open wide quickly, in panic, but it’s all too bright, a light from overhead that seems blinding to him-

“Hey, calm down,” a voice says that Hajime doesn’t recognize. He struggles, trying to sit up but his entire body feels so damn  _ heavy.  _   
What the fuck happened?

His brain feels foggy, and the more he tries to think the more confused he feels.

Where  _ is _ he?

He’s panicking, but he’s so damn cold that he can’t get a grip on whatever it is he’s lying on to push himself up. Cement? The fucking sidewalk? He tries to force himself up, but a strong pair of hands push him back down.

“ _ Hey,” _ the voice repeats, and Hajime’s vision starts to clear enough that he can see the fuzzy shape of a man leaning over him, “lie still, and breathe.”

Hajime squints and tears prick at the corners of his eyes from the light coming from the lamp post above them, but he feels the distinctive cold plastic of an oxygen mask being pressed more firmly to his face.

_ Fuck. _

His heart’s pounding.

The last thing he remembers is the shot he took; hitting it and feeling the rush he’d missed, the warmth that swept over him that he’d longed for since getting into rehab. The warm blanket of heroin that made him feel weightless, that helped him forget how fucking empty he’d been feeling for so,  _ so  _ long.

Only this time the high hit him so much faster and more intense than anything he remembered.

Panic rises in his throat like bile. He can feel his heart racing, his blood rushing so quickly he can hear it.

He overdosed.

He… could have died.

He closes his eyes to try to calm his racing heart beat, steady his breathing, but the panic clouds all of senses, leaving him with one thought-

Maybe he… should have?

The thought makes his blood run cold and his ears buzz, but it’s there, buried deep in his brain, reminding him of everything he wants to forget-

A loud buzzing breaks Hajime out of his dream.

A  _ dream. _

It was just a dream. 

He’s at home. In his apartment, on his couch. He must have passed out right after coming home from work. He can hear the familiar buzz of the radiator that keeps him up on long nights, loud and reassuring.

He tries to swallow, but his throat feels dry. His heart’s pounding and his head’s spinning as he tries to focus, tries to calm himself down, but he can’t shake the fear clinging to him.

His phone keeps ringing, and once he realizes he’s getting a call, he fumbles to answer it. 

“Hello?” His voice comes out more hoarse and raw than he expects it to.

There’s a pause, and, “Hajime?”

It takes Hajime a few moments to sort through everything and place the voice on the phone.

“Tooru?” Hajime sits up properly, rubbing his face with a hand. Right, they were supposed to go out together tonight. How long did he sleep for?

“Did I wake you up?” Tooru laughs a little, lighthearted. “Old man Iwa-chan, falling asleep right when you get home from work?”

Hajime takes in a deep breath, letting out a loud sigh. He’s really not in the mood for their usual banter right now. He still can’t get his heart to calm down, not to mention how foggy everything still is. “’s been a long week… was just napping,”  he says defensively.

He looks down at his hand, which is still shaky, but he can’t seem to calm himself down completely-

“Is everything okay?” Tooru asks. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Hajime’s about to respond with a  _ yes, I’m fine,  _ when he just… doesn’t.

Instead, he sighs. 

He must have slept at least two hours but he feels more exhausted than before he even got home.

“A scary dream,” he admits. 

Tooru’s uncharacteristically quiet, waiting. When Hajime doesn’t elaborate, he encourages him. “You wanna talk about it?” He says softly. 

Hajime’s stomach twists with anxiety. He hasn’t really talked about what happened back then, and for good reason. 

_ Does he want to talk about it? _

He’s scared of so many things. Scared of repeating this, scared of how the dream made him feel, scared of how he’s still filled with such longing-

But he’s not scared of Tooru’s reaction.

“Yeah,” Hajime manages, once everything’s not quite so fuzzy. “Just- just give me a minute?”

“Take your time,” Tooru responds.

Hajime does just that, and Tooru doesn’t rush him. He takes a few slow, deep breaths. Somehow just knowing that Tooru is on the other line helps calm him down a bit.

He listens to Tooru’s breathing, to some shuffling on the other line. He figures that Tooru’s on the bus as he can hear some background noise, but it’s good. Grounding. 

When he’s able to, he talks.

“I… had a dream… of back when I…” he pauses, pursing his lips. “Do you remember when I told you… that I overdosed? A little bit after I started rehab?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Tooru responds.

“Yeah… it was of that…” Hajime starts, looking down at the floor. “Of waking up after the paramedics got there. It was so terrifying… Realizing what had happened… how close I could have come to not waking up at all.” 

That’s not the scariest part, but Hajime’s not ready to voice his darkest thoughts right now. Not like this, not on the phone.

“I had this dream a lot after I went back to rehab, but it’s been quite a while since I’ve had it…” Hajime continues, “It was so vivid… I really felt like I was back there… It was so cold… I couldn’t get my heart to stop racing… even with what they gave me to reverse the overdose, breathing was hard… It all crashed down on me… I just felt so miserable…”

Tooru hums to show he’s listening, but he doesn’t interrupt. It feels good to get it out - therapeutic. The more that they talk, the more Hajime calms down. He pulls his legs up on the couch and his cat jumps up, rubbing against him and purring on his chest. He takes some time to pet him, the warm, friendly purrs making him feel a little less alone; and with Godzilla coming for cuddles, it’s not much longer before his other cat, King Caesar shows up too.

The shaking stops. He gets his heart beating like normal again, snuggling up to his cats and listening to Tooru talk. 

After some time, when talking about Hajime’s dream devolves into some chatter, Tooru cuts him off a little abruptly. “Hey, I gotta pick up some food, but I’ll call you back shortly. Okay?”

“Uh, sure,” Hajime says, “talk to you soon.” He hangs up the phone, sitting back and stroking his cat softly.

He’s still tired from the restless sleep and the long week, but he knows that he should stay up a little longer before going to bed. He needs to eat anyway, so a cup of tea would be good to help keep him awake.

Hajime gets up to make himself one, setting the kettle on the stove to boil while he picks through his cupboard of tea. He doesn’t drink much coffee anymore, preferring herbal teas with no caffeine, but he manages to find some green tea that he’d been given a few weeks back. 

Boiling the water helps heat up the kitchen, and wrapping his hands around the hot mug is a comfort that Hajime relishes. It’s too hot to drink at first, but now that he’s standing and has moved around a bit, cooking doesn’t really feel too hard anymore-

But a knock at his door gets his attention.

Huh?

A quick look at the clock above the stove tells him it’s a little after 8. 

Godzilla jumps off the couch, walking over and rubbing up against Hajime’s legs. Hajime puts down his cup of tea, heading over to the door to open it up.

“Oh,” he says, staring dumbfounded out the open door.

Tooru’s staring back at him, a small smile on his face and a brown takeout bag in one hand. He lifts up the food, “Are you hungry? I hope you didn’t start cooking.” 

Hajime just stares at him. “Why are you? I thought-” 

“I knew that if I asked you’d tell me not to go through the trouble of making the trip,” Tooru says, looking a little sheepish. “But I thought you could use some company.” He looks away, then back at Hajime. “Can I come in?”

Hajime looks from Tooru’s bright smile to the food in his hands - he can already tell Tooru picked it up from his favourite Chinese food restaurant - and he can’t help but smile, too.

_ Oh, yeah. _

He really isn’t alone in this anymore, is he?

“Yeah,” Hajime nods, pushing the door open for him. “Make yourself at home.”

Tooru’s smile brightens and he walks in, kicking off his shoes and making his way to the couch. “Have you eaten yet?” He asks.

“No, not yet,” Hajime answers, closing the door and following Tooru over. He smirks a little watching the cats jump on the couch and settle in next to Tooru. “They’ve sure warmed up to you.”

Tooru smiles, reaching over to pet Caesar who purrs happily at the attention. “Godzilla worships the ground that you walk on, Hajime - it’s only fair that  I’m Caesar’s favourite!”

Hajime sits down next to Tooru, reaching over to scratch Caesar who rubs against his hand. “Look at what a spoiled brat you’ve turned him into.” He tries to pull his hand away, but Caesar follows it insistently, meowing.

Tooru snickers, taking Hajime’s place and petting him. “How can I not pet him when he looks at me like this, Hajime?!” Tooru gestures with his free hand and Hajime is inclined to agree. 

“Alright, let’s eat before they get too comfortable.” Hajime nudges the cats and they get the hint, curling up on the other side of Tooru while he starts to unpack the takeout. He pulls out half a dozen containers before eyeing Tooru curiously.

“I may have overestimated how much we can eat,” Tooru says sheepishly. 

Hajime laughs and grabs some chopsticks. “Well we'd better get started then.”

He didn't realize how hungry he was until he starts eating, the food disappearing faster than anticipated. 

The easy conversation and the food helps calm his anxiety, and he feels more comfortable and relaxed. Once they’re finished Tooru cleans up the leftovers and they flop out on the couch, cuddled up under a blanket, sitting nice and close.

Hajime yawns, putting some documentary on the television for some background noise.

“Tired?” Tooru asks. Before Hajime can gruff back in response he reaches for one of the couch pillows, dropping it down on his lap. “Come here. It’ll be more comfortable.”

Hajime hesitates only briefly before he lies down, a little tense, his head resting on the pillow. He doesn’t start to calm down until Tooru starts running his hands through his hair, the touches feather-light but just enough to be a reminder to Hajime:

_ I’m here. _

That helps him relax, and it’s even better when Godzilla and Caesar climb back up on the couch, cuddling up on top of them. Godzilla rubs right against his chest, settling down and purring loudly. They spend some time like that, just quiet, but Hajime’s dream from earlier is still bothering him, and he feels comfortable enough to bring it up to Tooru.

“You know what the scariest part was?” Hajime says quietly, softly. Almost afraid to say it out loud.

“What was it?” Tooru asks, continuing to run his hand through Hajime’s hair.

The touches are soft, easy. Gentle. Reassuring.

A kind of intimate that Hajime had almost forgotten existed.

Hajime swallows, closing his eyes. “The scariest part was remembering how good it felt… how much I liked the high…” he breathes in deep. “It was like a sense of all pressure and weight off my shoulders. I should be terrified of overdosing again… but all I can think about is how good I finally felt…and I hate that this temptation is going to be hanging over me forever… but I gotta keep fighting it… every day.”

Tooru's hand stills and he brushes his thumb across Hajime’s cheek, moving his free hand to take Hajime's. “And I'm gonna be here to help you fight it. You know you're not in this alone, right?”

Hajime opens his eyes, looking up to meet Tooru's gaze. “Yeah,” he says, squeezing Tooru’s hand and nodding. “Thank you.”


	12. Day 22: Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For my Drug AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning** : This drabble contains mentions of drugs and drug abuse.

 

Tooru’s falling.

He’s falling, he’s falling,  _ he’s falling- _

“Tooru,” Hajime whispers, but it’s dark, so dark that Tooru can’t tell where he is. He feels around helplessly, the cold cement beneath his fingers scraping against his skin uncomfortably. 

He’s so disoriented. Where are they, what’s going  _ on? _

“Hajime?” Tooru blinks, and his eyes start to adjust to the darkness, allowing him to see the fuzzy shape of a person standing before him.

“Why did you leave me, Tooru?” Hajime’s voice is low, and dark, and it sends shivers down Tooru’s spine. Dread spreads through him like wildfire, like he knows where this is going, but he doesn’t  _ want _ to remember-

He’s terrified, hands shaking as he tries to push himself up.

“What?” Tooru can’t stand up, his legs won’t move and everything is so  _ heavy _ , “Hajime, no, I didn’t, I’m not, I’m right here-”

“You left when I needed you most…” Hajime’s voice is haunting, and Tooru’s stomach drops as Hajime comes into his view. 

Tooru’s pulse starts to race, his heart beating so loudly he can consciously feel it in his chest.

Hajime’s dead.

Skin and bones, eyes sunken in, cheeks bruised and lips swollen; so thin Tooru can see his ribs, and the marks, the marks on his arms, red and ugly and dried with blood-

“You left me, Tooru.” Hajime looks  _ defeated. _

Tears pool in the corner of Tooru’s eyes and he’s crying within seconds. He can feel each heavy tear running down his cheeks, dripping off his chin. “No, no-”

“You killed me,” Hajime whispers, bits of skin from his face crumbling off like dust, “I thought you loved me, but you killed me-”

“No!” Tooru cries, fighting to get up but he can’t, he can’t move, can’t think, “No, no, Hajime, you can’t, you _can’t,_ _Hajime,_ I’m sorry _-_ ”

Tooru shoots awake out of bed, gasping for air, tears already rolling down his cheeks; his entire body’s shaking and the harder he tries to breathe the harder it is, fuck,  _ fuck- _

There’s a hand on his arm that feels like fire and Tooru whimpers at the feeling. He’s sobbing, loud and heavy, vision blurry from the tears.

“Tooru,” it’s Hajime’s voice again, but this time he sounds worried, scared,  _ alive- _ “Tooru, baby, wake up, please.”

He tries to talk but just ends up sobbing louder, the cold fear from his dream still clinging to him tightly. Hajime was dead, he was dead,  _ dead- _

_ God, _ what Tooru did could have so easily killed Hajime.

He could have lost him  _ forever. _

Tooru sobs harder at the thought, the guilt that’s been hanging overhead for years finally catching up with him. Hajime keeps whispering to him, pulling him in and hugging him close.

He came  _ so close _ to losing him.

How is Tooru supposed to forget about that?

Tooru trembles in Hajime’s arms, clinging to him desperately. He can feel a panic attack close; he's teetering on the edge. 

But Hajime keeps it at bay. He holds him close and rocks him gently, back and forth, slow and steady; the rhythm helps Tooru breathe, and he’s able to finally take a few deep breaths. 

His crying doesn’t stop, but it slows, his sobs not as violent, not as heavy. He still shakes, clinging to Hajime, who’s whispering against his skin and pressing soft kisses to his face. 

“Tooru,” Hajime whispers, kissing his forehead, “It’s okay baby, I’m here…” he brushes Tooru’s bangs off his face. “Did you have a nightmare?”

Swallowing thickly, Tooru nods, letting out a few more sobs before he’s able to talk. “You were dead, Hajime…” Another sob gets out and Tooru tightens his grip on Hajime. “You died… and it was my fault… because I abandoned you… you needed me, and I just abandoned you,” his heart rate starts to pick up again as guilt washes over him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

Hajime stares down at him, stunned.  He mumbles, “You, you mean-”

“-I shouldn’t have abandoned you,” Tooru trembles, the tears flowing freely now. “I should have stayed, should have, should have found a way-”

Hajime interrupts his speaking, taking Tooru’s face in his hands and wiping away his tears.”No, Tooru, baby, no. You saved me!” He smiles, voice heavy with emotion, “I’m alive because of you and what you did! I’m so thankful for that, Tooru! Don’t ever think anything else.”

Tooru looks up at Hajime’s face, so open and honest and real, and alive, he’s  _ alive, _ he’s here and  _ healthy- _

He can’t help the tears that come again, but this time, they’re not tears of pain, or fear.

“I love you,” he whispers, lifting himself up to throw his arms around Hajime’s shoulders, hugging him tight, tears falling freely. “I love you so much.”

Hajime squeezes Tooru tight, his voice trembling. “I love you too.”

No - this time, they’re tears of relief.

Because he didn’t lose Hajime. 

He gets another chance.

_ They _ do.


	13. Day 27: Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Amalas' Hip Hop AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for and requested by my friend Amalas, based on her amazing [Hip Hop AU](http://amalasdraws.tumblr.com/tagged/hip_hop_au). Her work on this AU is so amazing and her universe is so rich and full of life, so please go check it out if you haven't before!

Hajime closes his eyes and listens to the music playing in his headphones.

The beat starts, nice and low, just how he was imagining it. 

He taps his palms on his knees as he listens, trying to get lost in the beat, listening, waiting, getting ready for the hook where he’ll jump in to spit-

The beat drops and he swallows, the lyrics on the tip of his tongue just begging to get out-

He opens his mouth to start and the music shifts-

But he can’t.

Fuck.

He rips off his headphones, tossing them down on his table.

It’s wrong. 

It’s fucking wrong. All of this - the beat’s too heavy, too harsh. It overpowers his lyrics and drowns them out rather than accompanying them, carrying them, harmonizing with his words to tell his story. 

He feels lost in this music.

This is the third DJ he’s tried working with in the past few months and it feels like an even worse fit than the first two. He knew that finding the right beats was going to be hard which was why he  _ wanted _ to work with a DJ, have someone who could develop beats that fit his lyrics.

He needs something that  _ feels _ right. 

Apparently, that’s harder to find than he expected.

He tries listening to the track two more times, wondering if maybe if he starts in another place or reworks the lyrics that it will sound better, but it doesn’t. He can’t put his finger on exactly what’s out of place, but something is… and that bothers him.

He needs to stop before he gets even more irritated. It's getting late anyway so Hajime leaves his headphones on his table and heads to his bedroom. He strips down to his boxers, dropping his clothes down in a pile on the floor. He flops out on the bed, lying with his head on the mattress and covering his face with the back of his hand and letting out a huge sigh.

Damn. This sure isn’t where he expected to be five years ago. 

He wasn’t supposed to be here. Working a job he’s not passionate about but that he can’t quit cause he needs the money.

He’s still got responsibilities that he can’t just drop, so he can’t move forward... He’s just-

Stuck.

Why isn't he making any progress? Because he’s supposed to be great, right?

Successful?

Not here, unable to figure out why he feels so lost, so unhappy; why he’s so unguided, why he hates being noticed, being seen, looking at his reflection too long in the mirror-

No.

Hajime squeezes his eyes shut, taking in a deep breath and letting it out really slowly.

This needs to stop.

He tosses and turns but no matter how much he moves, he can’t seem to get comfortable.

His bed feels stiff, harder than usual; the blankets are cold, uninviting. His back is sore from work and his stomach churns uneasily after his meagre dinner scrounged up from what he had leftover in the fridge since he was too tired to cook. But his biggest problem is his thoughts - his mind’s racing a mile a minute, everything piling up and making it hard to think.

Hajime sighs, opening his eyes and looking at his alarm clock sitting on the bedside table. It reads  _ 11:15 pm  _ in a blurry red font.

He’s getting nowhere lying in bed like this, so he gets up. He throws on a pair of worn sweatpants, a sweatshirt and grabs his duffel bag to head down the street to the worn-down old gym on the corner of his street.

He might not box much anymore, but this is the one thing he can always count on to help him let go of his frustrations.

Sometimes, you just need to punch something.

Hajime first stopped here because of how cheap it is, but the reason why he really likes this gym is because of how quiet it is. Nobody talks to him, and nobody asks him to box with them. Nobody bothers him. He just walks in, checks in with his membership pass and goes straight to one of the spots in the back of the gym.

It's just him and the punching bag, just the way that he likes it.

He drops his duffel bag on the floor near the wall, leaving his sweatshirt on for now. It’s cold in the gym, and the added weight and heat will help get his heart racing faster. He zips it open to pull out a roll of hand wraps to start off his routine.

It’s a habit from his boxing days that’s never quite left.

Carefully, Hajime starts to wrap up his hands. It’s muscle memory at this point. He starts by looping around his thumb and around the back of his hand. Three times around the wrist then three times around the hands. He counts as he goes, focusing in carefully, letting his mind start to clear.

Cross through each of his fingers, then lock the thumb in place; around his knuckles, then finish off around the wrist.

He tests it by closing his hand, pleased when the hand wrap tightens around his fist. 

A well-wrapped hand keeps the joints tight together to better distribute shock and minimize injuries. He can’t risk getting hurt and put his job at risk, so he takes his time to wrap up both of his hands. 

He’s frustrated, not stupid. 

Once he’s ready, Hajime steps up to the punching bag and lets all of his feelings from before come seeping back in his mind.

His frustration with his music, with his job, with his  _ life; _ so many frustrations that he can’t even name.

He lets them wash over him, filling him up until he’s ready to burst-

Then he throws the first punch.

His fist hits the punching bag with a satisfying thud, the bag swinging back from the force. He repeats it quickly, the second feeling even better than the first.

One punch after another, he doesn’t let himself stop. With each one he feels tension leaving his body, almost as if with each blow, he pushes out the negative feelings.

He moves until his body is heavy and covered in sweat; until he’s breathing is ragged and his body’s screaming with exhaustion. Finally, he steps back from the punching bag, shoulders heaving from the heavy breaths he has to take-

But his mind is quiet.

He’s too exhausted to think

He grabs his bag, tosses on his coat and pulls up his hood as he heads back to his apartment. It’s started raining since he left but it’s surprisingly nice. A little refreshing and rejuvenating. 

He’s soaking wet when he gets back into his apartment but far too tired for a shower. The rain did a good enough job for now, so he just strips off all of his clothes, leaving them in a pile by the front door. He’s still dripping wet so he snags a towel on his way to the bedroom to dry himself off, halfheartedly rubbing his hair with the meagre energy that he has left.

His towel hits the floor just as he drops into his bed like deadweight. He slips under the covers, breathing in, his body heavy as he exhales out.

He doesn’t think about anything. He doesn’t feel anything. 

Finally, he sleeps, deep and dreamless.


	14. Day 14: Haunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of blood.

“Hey,” Hajime says, his voice low and quiet. He’s squeezing Tooru’s hand - hard, too hard, it  _hurts -_ but he can’t let go.  _Won’t._ Tooru’s entire body shakes from the shock of it all, of what they just experienced, what they witnessed. 

Hajime swallows down the lump in his throat, “We’re always going to be friends. We’re gonna be alright. Okay?”

Tooru finally looks over at him, his brown eyes wide and full of fear. He clings to Hajime like a lifeline, a faint spatter of dried blood still visible across one cheek.

Hajime never wanted this for him.

But it seems like life has a way of testing you, testing your friendships, testing your loyalties, and testing your love.

And he’s always going to be haunted by the fact that he failed Tooru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! If you're still following this, I'm continuing this into November as I'd like to try and finish out the prompts by the end of the month. My work schedule has lessened considerably, so I'll have more time.  
> Thank you!


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